Some Days Are Just Harder Than Others

Yesterday was a hard day. We've decided to try to sell our house, even in this cold market and with Fall fast approaching. So we've been purging and getting rid of LOTS of stuff...think 14 years of STUFF. It's been emotionally draining but I think with the deadline to list looming over us, we've just been working on the house stuff nonstop, and then...I came across something that stopped me in my tracks. A card my dad wrote, and he never writes in the cards, it's almost always my mom. But this one was in English, also a rarity. But it read: "God bless David and Joyce and their new home. Bring them joy, love, and dream." And I had to take a few minutes to just cry and miss him. And now I'm a complete wreck. It hadn't really hit me up until that point, what we're actually doing. I never loved this house, but it's our first house we bought together. It's the house we brought our babies home to, and the only home they've ever known. All our Colorado memories are in this house. And it just started sinking in, that we're leaving all those memories. I'm looking forward to our new house, but I didn't think leaving this one would be so difficult. And then I ask myself, had we had the means and opportunity to move, without my dad's death being a factor, would we have? Or would we have stayed?? Who knows.

Also, I texted my friend Yolanda to wish her a belated happy birthday, and she shared the news that Allan's dad died last Thursday, so it was hard to celebrate. :( And that just brought back all the emotions of losing my own dad. I hate this stage of life. I truly do.

Last night I had a dream with my dad in it. It's only been the 2nd time he's appeared in my dreams.He was with some friends, and sitting next to my mom, and I was looking for something, like a ticket that would let me get into the auditorium first to see my kids in a play or something. And he was wearing what appeared to be a hockey jersey?? Lol, not sure what that means. But I asked if he had seen my ticket and he pulled it out from under his chair. It was kind of weird, cuz when I saw him, I gave him a hug and kept saying "I'm sorry" over and over. And then I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. It was nice to see him again.