50 Days
I'm not sure what the significance of the 50th day is in the Catholic religion, but my mom asked me to join her at church to do the 50th day prayer service for my dad. After mass, a small group of us gathered downstairs to pray. I'm grateful to those who showed up to support my mom and dad. But it's just another difficult day that shouldn't even be happening.
These 50 days since my dad's death, a lot has happened. After much discussion, Whit and I decided it would be best to move my mom in with us, but we knew she couldn't live in our current house. It's just not big enough for all of us (and she doesn't like stairs). We looked around at houses, and came across some new builds near us. After looking at the SuperHome floor plan, we decided it was the best option for all of us. It has a large main house with an attached in-law suite they call the "Next Gen" (with kitchenette and nook, living room, huge master suite with retreat, laundry, and attached garage, as well as an external entrance). There are 5 bedrooms upstairs so we can both have our home offices, and a large loft upstairs for us to hang out and stay out of Mom's way if she wants to be in the main house. We showed her the house and she really loved it. Lucky for us, there was only 1 lot available right now and so we jumped on it. There's a good sized ravine behind us so we don't have immediate neighbors behind us, and there are no neighbors in front of us. There's a really nice park across the street, as well as American Academy. But both are 2 streets away so not directly in front of the house. The house won't be finished til mid October, so we are using this time to sell my mom's house, and still deciding if we should sell or rent out ours. There's so much to be done in the next few months, but it's been a nice distraction.
Mom seems to be doing okay. She goes back and forth from questioning why this happened, to understanding that we all have to go sometime, and this was just his time. It's hard to see her this way. I know she's trying to be strong for herself and for us. The kids have been spending a lot of time with her, and with all the work we're doing on her house, I've been over there a lot as well. Just making sure she doesn't go too long by herself. I think she's anxious to move into our new house so she doesn't have to be alone.
Rhys is still taking it a little hard. He gets sad at night, after we've said goodnight and lights are out. I think that's when he really starts to think about Dad and when he really misses him. We talk and cry together, and I think it's healthy for him and I'm glad he's able to express his sadness.
I don't think I've gone a day yet without crying. I wake up thinking about him, and go to bed thinking about him. I know all this will get easier, and we're in the most difficult stage in all this, and I guess that's why I felt compelled to journal again. I read the book Option B by Sheryl Sandberg, and altho it went on weird irrelevant tangents at times, she mentioned journaling and how it helped her. So I'm giving it a try. I also wanted a place to write about memories and stories my dad has told me over the years, so I don't forget, and so his legacy lives on. I just really miss him.
These 50 days since my dad's death, a lot has happened. After much discussion, Whit and I decided it would be best to move my mom in with us, but we knew she couldn't live in our current house. It's just not big enough for all of us (and she doesn't like stairs). We looked around at houses, and came across some new builds near us. After looking at the SuperHome floor plan, we decided it was the best option for all of us. It has a large main house with an attached in-law suite they call the "Next Gen" (with kitchenette and nook, living room, huge master suite with retreat, laundry, and attached garage, as well as an external entrance). There are 5 bedrooms upstairs so we can both have our home offices, and a large loft upstairs for us to hang out and stay out of Mom's way if she wants to be in the main house. We showed her the house and she really loved it. Lucky for us, there was only 1 lot available right now and so we jumped on it. There's a good sized ravine behind us so we don't have immediate neighbors behind us, and there are no neighbors in front of us. There's a really nice park across the street, as well as American Academy. But both are 2 streets away so not directly in front of the house. The house won't be finished til mid October, so we are using this time to sell my mom's house, and still deciding if we should sell or rent out ours. There's so much to be done in the next few months, but it's been a nice distraction.
Mom seems to be doing okay. She goes back and forth from questioning why this happened, to understanding that we all have to go sometime, and this was just his time. It's hard to see her this way. I know she's trying to be strong for herself and for us. The kids have been spending a lot of time with her, and with all the work we're doing on her house, I've been over there a lot as well. Just making sure she doesn't go too long by herself. I think she's anxious to move into our new house so she doesn't have to be alone.
Rhys is still taking it a little hard. He gets sad at night, after we've said goodnight and lights are out. I think that's when he really starts to think about Dad and when he really misses him. We talk and cry together, and I think it's healthy for him and I'm glad he's able to express his sadness.
I don't think I've gone a day yet without crying. I wake up thinking about him, and go to bed thinking about him. I know all this will get easier, and we're in the most difficult stage in all this, and I guess that's why I felt compelled to journal again. I read the book Option B by Sheryl Sandberg, and altho it went on weird irrelevant tangents at times, she mentioned journaling and how it helped her. So I'm giving it a try. I also wanted a place to write about memories and stories my dad has told me over the years, so I don't forget, and so his legacy lives on. I just really miss him.
posted by joyce at
10:47 AM
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