i think i'm supposed to be more excited than i'm actually feeling. i think other ppl expected me to be more excited about this transition (especially those that made the decision for me, without much input from me). but somehow, i'm not. i feel like i've been thrown into a pack of wolves and it's my job to get everyone out alive. ugh. they just assumed this is what i wanted, and that's kinda what makes me upset i think. i mean, it's a promotion, so i should feel great, that i worked hard and now my hard work is finally paying off. this is what i've been working so hard for the last 6 months. and now that i have it, i don't know if this is really what i want anymore... what to do? and then there's the issue of HATING my commute. did i mention that it's costing me $400-500 a month to get myself to work and back? yeah, and when you're making as little as i do, that's a big chunk of change. not to mention the wear and tear on my poor little car. i've been passively looking for bigger better closer opportunities, but i haven't even decided if this is what i want to continue doing. so many things to consider, and such bad timing. still don't want to do anything before the wedding, but it's a month and half away...can i really hang on for that much longer? i guess i have to. be patient...

on another note, W left me to go to his bachelor party weekend. my first time all alone in our new house. this house suddenly became very very big...kinda scary...