it's scary the things that go thru my head, after someone dies. i wasn't directly close to him, but indirectly very close. but his death makes me think about my own mortality. what will it feel like to be on my death bed, knowing that at any minute now, i could fall asleep and never wake up again. just waiting. this makes me hope for a quick painless death, sudden, no warnings. but then you think about the loved ones around you that have to endure this loss. hrm. it frightens me a bit, i'll admit. not that my life is going to all of a sudden revolve around the end, i just wonder what emotions you feel when that time does come along. i'm not a religious person. i was born into a catholic family. it's all i ever knew until i stopped going to church when i was 13. but there's still a part of me that believes in "god." not exactly sure of the precise meaning of "god," but the idea of it is comforting at times. i also like to think that there's more out there after you die. that when it's over, it's not completely over. but what happens to your soul? are you just floating around somewhere out there? wouldn't this "out there" eventually become way too overcrowded? then what? i guess it's just a way of telling myself that death isn't the end of everything. reassurance? or more like denial...?